Published May 21, 2022
In Honor Of Coaches Throwing Verbal Darts, Let's Look Back At The Master
Caleb Alexander  •  GamecockScoop
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@GamecockyCaleb

A college football off-season is a wild place full of rumors, conference shake-ups, and of course, coaching sound bites that get hyper-analyzed into oblivion. The entire college football world has been focused on the ongoing spat between Jimbo Fisher and Nick Saban for the last few days, and I have to say it has been a little entertaining to see them trading blows and screening each other's calls while there's little going on with the actual on-the-field football teams this time of year. But really, this little exchange has left me thinking about the good ol' days when Steve Spurrier was taking shots at nearly every other team in the SEC, and often backing it up by beating those same teams more often than not. His reputation for perfectly timed quips with back-handed compliments or straight-up insults has even spawned memes celebrating "Hatin' Ass Spurrier" by placing his face over the popular Chapelle's show sketch of "The Player Hater's Ball" which had several characters throwing shade and slinging insults at other characters. So in honor of things getting a little spicy in the SEC again this week, let's take a look at some of Spurrier's best quotes from over the years.

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The Top Ten Of Hate

10. Former Duke QB, Dave Brown once said that in a practice at Duke, Spurrier had him practicing a certain elaborate route that QB Brown simply could not hit on time. Brown told him, “I don’t think it’s working, coach.” Then, Spurrier went under center and proceeded to hit the throw several times in a row. Brown stood dumbfounded. Spurrier threw the last ball, turned to Brown, and announced, “I must be a better quarterback than you.”


9. In honor of the current dispute between Alabama and Texas A&M: “In 12 years at Florida, I don’t think we ever signed a kid from the state of Alabama. Of course, we found out later that the scholarships they were giving out at Alabama were worth a whole lot more than ours.”


8. On his struggles in the NFL: "There are no Vanderbilts in the NFL." Ouch, Vanderbilt was out here catching strays even when Spurrier was struggling with his new position.


7. After Kentucky tried several onside kicks in Florida's 1997 win: "If I had a defense like Hal Mumme has, I would be trying them on every kickoff."


6. This one is pretty well known, but it never gets old. Florida State had a scandal where several players got suspended for accepting free gifts and shoes from a local Foot Locker, when asked about it Spurrier had a classic response: “You know what FSU stands for, don’t you? Free Shoes University.”


5. On having Georgia on the schedule early in the season every year. “I sort of always liked playing them that second game because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended.”


4. Spurrier brought his Duke team back out onto North Carolina field to take a picture of the scoreboard with his gloating Duke Blue Devils in the foreground. Mack Brown took it to the media saying that Spurrier had shown a real lack of class by doing that on someone else’s home field. Spurrier’s response when asked, “Why? I’ve got a better record on that field than he does."


3. This one is a twofer. On Tennesse and Peyton Manning struggling to beat his Florida teams for several years: “You can’t spell Citrus without U-T.” and of course the classic shot he took at HOF QB Peyton Manning: “I know why Peyton came back for his senior year. He wanted to be a three-time star of the Citrus Bowl.”


2. Speaking of Tennessee, there's perhaps no team that Spurrier liked to take shots at more than the Volunteers. At halftime of a game that Florida was leading handily, Spurrier was asked if Neyland stadium was the loudest place he had ever played in. He said, "It was really loud, possibly louder than the swamp, then the game started.”


1. I saved the best for last. Sure it's the most quoted of all, but there's a good reason it's a classic. It is just a perfect jab on every level, and yet so simple it can be distilled down and memorized for years to come: On a fire at an Auburn library that destroyed 20 books: "The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."