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Scott Davis: Learning How to Win

GamecockCentral.com columnist Scott Davis, who has followed USC sports for more than 30 years, provides commentary from the perspective of a Gamecocks fan. You can follow Scott on Twitter at @scdonfire.

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I was literally in the fetal position.

You know how sometimes people say, “I was lying there in the fetal position” when what they actually mean is just: “I was super-nervous”?

Well, I wasn’t just super-nervous. I was actually curled into a ball on my favorite chair in the den, exhaling slowly while my wife patted my head. There it was: An official, confirmed fetal position, the first of the year.

Welcome to Gamecock Football 2016, everybody!

When David Williams took a fourth-down pitch from Brandon McIlwain and scampered towards the sidelines to finally secure South Carolina’s bizarre victory over East Carolina, I briefly stood up, started to leap towards the ceiling in celebration, suddenly realized I didn’t have the strength or even the desire to do it, and finally collapsed into the chair where I pulled my legs towards my chest and hoped someone – anyone – would arrive to save me.

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Anyone who thought these games were going to be breezy, easygoing affairs this season knows otherwise now, after two down-to-the-wire wins and one blowout loss to kick off the year. (Also, if you actually thought ANY game this season was going to be easy to watch, which football team have you been watching the last couple of years?)

After I pulled myself out of the haze, took a head-clearing shot of an adult beverage and spent a few minutes meditating on the grand mysteries of life, I slowly realized something: We’d won the game.

Now, listen.

I’ve heard you, Gamecock Nation.

I’ve heard you loud and clear.

Many of you still aren’t sure we actually won this game.

You saw the final score, and you saw Gamecock players celebrating on the field after the final seconds ticked away, and even ESPN appeared to have confirmed that yes, this was a South Carolina victory…but deep down, you’re wondering if this is all some sort of elaborate hoax, wondering if we will all awake one day this week, pick up a sports section somewhere and see a giant headline that screams, “PSYCH!!!!”

I’ve heard you: We gave up over 500 yards on defense; The offense was a three-and-out machine; Our O-line couldn’t block my Mom right now; Boy, our DB’s sure do seem to be hanging back a lot in soft coverage like they did the last few years, when I often felt nauseous, dizzy and/or vaguely suicidal; It’s taken me three whopping games to realize this offensive scheme can’t work, ever, under any circumstances, and anyone who isn’t demanding change right this second wants to lose and craves mediocrity.

I’ve heard you.

And to a point, I get it.

Watching the defense give up endless chunks of yards, bail themselves out with a game-saving play, only to then see the offense quickly and quietly excuse themselves from the playing field and usher the defense right back out into the scene of the slaughter…well, it wasn’t exactly a three-hour barrel of laughs.

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But every single East Carolina fan on earth would take your place right now if he or she could do it.

It was a win.

It was a win against a 2-0 team that beat Power 5 rival N.C. State last week. It was a win against a proven offensive team that scores points and always – ALWAYS – gives the Gamecocks fits. It was a win against a team that South Carolina couldn’t beat in the ‘90s if they’d had access to an NFL Pro Bowl roster.

But most importantly, it was a win, period, in 2016.

And you better savor it. You better taste it. You better inhale it. You better let it soak right into your soul.

Because the fact is, every win we get this year – whether it’s two, three, four or, if God loves us, six – will be hard to come by. We’re going to have to scratch, claw, gouge, maim and insult the intelligence of every opponent to win games this year.

And if you didn’t already know that, I’m asking you again: Who did you think you were pulling for in 2016? Stanford? Michigan?

Nope, you’re pulling for South Carolina, and the team you’re pulling for is young, thin on depth and trying desperately to pull itself out of the collective coma that was the final two years of Steve Spurrier’s tenure. It’s Year One in Life After Spurrier, and in the immortal words of Dennis Green, “We are who they thought we were.” You can either come along for the ride with a fired-up team and an eager coaching staff, enjoy the handful of wins we do get, or resign yourself to being miserable through November.

It won’t be easy. I cursed, ranted, raved and stood in front of my television threatening to find the refereeing crew and convince them to put their life savings into a Ponzi scheme that would destroy their families and their finances.

That’s how well I handled myself. So I’m not blaming you.

But still…

I want to improve, you want to improve, the team wants to improve, the coaches want to improve, the guy selling Cokes at Williams-Brice wants to improve – we all want to improve, man. So until we do, take my advice, pretty please, with sugar on top:

Enjoy the (bleeping) win.

Game Balls

This week’s “I’ve Officially Realized I Just Don’t Like Most College Football Announcers and Analysts, and I’m OK With That” Game Balls go to the following:

Freshmen – Your starting quarterback: A true freshmen. Your starting running back and the guy who ran the opening kickoff to the ECU 9-yard line: A redshirt freshman. Your two most potent receivers: Two true freshmen. No, this offense didn’t light up the stat sheet, but have you fully grasped what I just said? Do you remember what you looked like and what your maturity level was when you were a freshman in college? I do. If I made it to more than three classes a week, I was so proud that I treated myself to a six-pack and a bacon cheeseburger. These guys merely had the hopes and dreams of tens of thousands of people on their shoulders. That’s all. These kids are learning how to win. The rest of us need to learn with them.

ECU’s Red Zone Offense – The Pirates threw two picks inside the 5-yard line, fumbled into the end zone instead of walking in for a touchdown, missed a chip shot field goal and did a whole bunch of other stuff that helped the Gamecocks walk away winners. Ahoy, mateys! Still, you’ve gotta hand it to…

Ninja-Like Bending But Not Breaking – The defense gave up some yards. Boy, did they give up some yards. Still, it’s tough to get too frustrated about it when you consider that 1) They made plays when they absolutely had to, highlighted by Jamarcus King’s twisting pick in the end zone that tossed a freezing cold blanket all over ECU’s momentum and led to countless shots of nervous Pirates standing on the sidelines with those priceless “We’re gonna fail to score again, aren’t we?” looks every time they threatened to reach pay dirt; and 2) The offense couldn’t get anything going to the point that the final time of possession ended up being East Carolina: 47,257 minutes, South Carolina: 3 minutes. (NOTE: I didn’t get this directly from the stat sheet, but it seems accurate).

Will Muschamp for Saying ECU’s Phillip Nelson is the Second Best Quarterback the Gamecocks Will Face All Year After Deshaun Watson – I enjoy bold statements by my head coaches, so I had fun with this post-game quote. Still, Georgia’s Jacob Eason and Tennessee’s Josh Dobbs are glancing towards Columbia right now with a “Seriously, bro?” look on their faces.

Going for It on Fourth Down to Seal the Win – Had to go for it. Had to. We would have lost if we’d punted. I firmly believe that. That defense didn’t have anything left.

ECU Receiver Zay Jones – I have never given an opposing player a Game Ball in this column. Not once. It just doesn’t happen. Here’s a short list of opposing players who have NOT received Game Balls from this column: Cam Newton, Julio Jones, Todd Gurley, Nick Chubb, Mark Ingram, Deshaun Watson, Sammy Watkins. But I do have one simple rule, and it’s this: If you catch 22 balls for a staggering 190 yards, setting a school record in the process, and you somehow still don’t catch a touchdown pass in the game, then you’re getting a Game Ball.

Me, For Realizing I Just Don’t Like Most Football Announcers and Analysts, and Being Fine With It – For years, I defended announcers I didn’t particularly care for, largely because Gamecock fans are so freaking sensitive that they think every TV broadcaster hates them and wants the team to fail. The truth is, most announcers barely know USC exists, much less “hate” the school or its fans. Kirk Herbstreit does not hate you. Neither does Jesse Palmer. But after feeling queasy throughout the SEC Network’s broadcast of the game and listening to former UGA offensive linemen Matt Stinchcomb drone on endlessly, I realized something: I don’t think Stinchcomb hates South Carolina. I just can’t stand him, that’s all. And I feel that way about 95 percent of the dudes sitting in broadcast booths across America. Guys, it’s not you, it’s me. And guess what? I’m fine with it.

Deflated Balls

Magical Pass Interference Calls that Seemed to Have Been Summoned from the Darkness by Sorcerers and Wizards – At some point in the second half, you could tell that the refs suddenly came to the realization, “Hey, every single break in this game has gone against East Carolina. We’ve gotta even out the playing field!” And that’s when the flags started flying, with the Gamecocks being flagged for pass interference on what seemed like every other play. The calls ranged from “I guess that might’ve been interference” to “That really could’ve gone either way” to “That was NOT interference” to “Not only was that not interference, but the ball was thrown 15 yards beyond the intended receiver, and the only way he could’ve caught it would have been by hanging from a hot air balloon.” To make matters even more fun, the refs then didn’t call USC for pass interference on a two-point conversion attempt when they probably should have, allowing ECU’s players and coaches to somehow walk away from the game thinking THEY had been robbed by the refs. When both teams think the refs were working against them, that’s a genuinely amazing accomplishment the likes of which we’ll never see again. Congrats, fellas.

The Offensive Line’s Remarkable, Repeated Ability to Convince the Coaches They’re the “Strength” of the Team During the Preseason, Then Struggling to Block Opposing Players When Actual Games Start – Like the snake who hypnotizes Mowgli in The Jungle Book, the offensive line seems to seduce powerless Gamecock coaches each and every August during preseason practice. Time and time again, Steve Spurrier remarked about how powerful the O-line looked in practice. Then September arrived and fans were looking at each other at Williams-Brice and saying, “Wait, this is the strength of our team?” Even through a coaching change, they’ve maintained this irresistible magic, lulling Muschamp into a comfort zone that caused him to matter-of-factly proclaim the group as the “strength of the team” back during the preseason. Innnnnteresting. Through three games, it’s pretty clear this unit isn’t going to be a road-grading, punishing SEC line any time soon, and clean pockets and wide-open holes aren’t forthcoming. East Carolina possesses one of the lesser defenses USC will face this season, and they found nothing more than a “Welcome” sign when seeking to enter the Gamecock backfield. Let’s hope this group starts gelling – like, immediately.

Feeling the Need to Constantly Schedule East Carolina – I get the idea: You want to mix in regional rivals like North Carolina, N.C. State and ECU. But we play the Pirates about as often as we play Georgia and Florida at this point. Watching fun matchups in Week One, like LSU and Wisconsin at Lambeau Field, I couldn’t help but glance at our schedule and think, “East Carolina AGAIN?” Plus, this game’s a nail-biter even when our team’s good, and there’s not much for us to gain by playing it. Schedule makers, I’m asking: Could we think about some fresh matchups, please?

My Wife for Pretending to Be Fired Up Before the Game, Then Going to Swoozie’s 10 Minutes Before Kickoff – We were heading to lunch before settling in for ‘Cocks-Pirates and the wife bounded down the stairs wearing an “I Love USC” T-shirt. (In case you were wondering, I was wearing a garnet polo shirt, garnet and white-striped shorts and light blue Vans, inexplicably looking like I’d wandered in off the set of a ‘60s beach movie). “You can’t call me a bandwagon fan in this week’s column,” she said. Then, minutes before kickoff, she suddenly announced she had an urgent need to “run pick up a gift real quick.” To her credit, she got back in thirty minutes, but still: Is there some sort of spousal support group for Gamecock fans that I can enter? I need help.

For now, join me in enjoying the (bleeping) win.

You don’t know when you’ll get to do it again.

Enjoy the (bleeping) win. On to Lexington.

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