Scott Davis: You Snooze, You Lose

Scott Davis has followed Gamecock sports for more than 30 years and provides commentary from a fan perspective. You can reach Scott at scottdavis@gamecockcentral.com.

We’ve all heard the phrase.

You snooze, you lose.

It’s shorthand for the idea that if you wait too long to do something, you’ll lose the opportunity to accomplish what you hoped to accomplish. But watching South Carolina try to play football this year, I’ve tweaked the phrase to attempt to describe the frustrating experience.

When I snooze, they lose.

As USC’s game against Texas A&M in College Station droned on – and on – my television set Saturday night, my wife looked up from her iPad and delivered a scathing (and accurate) judgment. “My God, it feels like this game has been going on foreeeeeever,” she groaned.

It did.

Sadly, we were still in the second quarter. But it wasn’t surprising.

That’s because South Carolina games have been thoroughly uneventful, at times unwatchable, and very often downright boring for weeks on end now. They lose unremarkably and with numbing consistency – one of the only things they do consistently, in fact.

Offensively, you can’t even call the Gamecocks a train wreck – they’re not nearly as interesting a disaster on that side of the ball as that cliched chestnut. No, they’re more like a clicking metronome rocking you quietly to sleep with hypnotic sameness. The ineptitude never entertains. It lulls us like a good anesthetic.

I’ve seen many an underperforming South Carolina football team in my decades of fanhood. But usually, there’s something strangely fascinating about following them in the worst of times. As I wrote in this column recently, I was absolutely riveted by the late-‘90s Gamecock teams that lost 21 straight games under Brad Scott and Lou Holtz. Those teams were somehow dreadful and entertaining – even their awfulness was interesting.

These Gamecocks are not interesting.

And though that might sound like the least of the team’s problems, I’d argue that it’s symptomatic of a larger disease that infects the school’s entire athletic program. It’s just not particularly compelling to follow South Carolina athletics at the moment. There aren’t any intriguing storylines, few memorable personalities or must-see athletes, no heated rivalries or can’t-miss games, or any of the other things that make sports teams so much fun to follow.

Why is that such a concern? Because when interest wanes, it becomes harder and harder to climb out of a ditch: No one particularly cares that you’re stuck there. And interest is indeed waning in South Carolina football, despite the anger you’re seeing on social media and hearing on sports radio.

Ask yourself a few questions about your experience watching this team in 2019: Does it feel like their games take entire election cycles to complete? Do the games drift by without ever stirring much emotion in you, good or bad? Have you ever found yourself like I did on Saturday afternoon, actually dreading having to waste time watching a South Carolina football game later when you could be doing something more exciting (like shopping for groceries or walking the dog)?

Anecdotally, I can tell you that a large number of friends, family members and fellow Gamecock fans told me they weren’t even watching Saturday night’s game. The experience just didn’t offer anything for them – there wasn’t even anything there to get angry about. The season was what it was, the situation seemed to have stagnated and wasn’t changing any time soon, and a lot folks seemed utterly content to bail on it for more compelling alternatives.

There are other reasons this squad’s spectacular dullness should trouble you.

In a world of high-stakes recruiting, what, exactly, would the message be to an offensive recruit who was considering South Carolina right now?

Even offensive-minded coaches who consistently churn out 7-5-type records (like Mike Leach or Mike Gundy) have a message to sell. They can tell an offensive recruit, “Look, I know we didn’t win a league championship last year or any year in the recent past, but if you come play for us, you’ll have fun doing it.”

And they’ll be telling the truth. Those Leach and Gundy offenses are fun to watch. Those teams are fun to watch. They don’t always win – in fact, they don’t win about as often as they do.

But at least they aren’t dull.

Here, South Carolina’s Snoring Offense starts each game by attempting to establish the run, and once it’s emphatically clear they can’t (which it is by the second series or so), the rest of the game is a monotonous parade of screen passes, miscommunications between receivers and quarterbacks, wrong routes, missed blocks, false starts and other incompetence that fails to generate even a flicker of interest.

That’s entertainment? Nope. Not even close.

The Doctor Sleep Game Balls of the Week

Hey, everybody, there’s a new horror movie in theaters based on a Stephen King book called “Doctor Sleep.” I haven’t seen it yet, but I already know it’s more fun to watch than South Carolina’s offense. And because the title was such a good fit, I’m giving it a Game Ball. Congratulations to King and everyone at Warner Brothers on this honor. I also wonder if we shouldn’t consider changing coach Will Muschamp’s nickname from “Boom” to “Doctor Sleep.” Would the tantalizing prospect of being able to play for Doctor Sleep help us sell the program to four-star recruits? We could almost position it like a wrestling character or comic book hero – whatever it takes to give this somnolent operation a little pizazz. Thoughts? Anyhoo, our only other Game Ball goes to…

Starbucks – I drank so much coffee on Saturday afternoon and evening that I eventually started feeling sick to my stomach and had to pour half-a-pot down the sink drain (and trust me when I tell you that this never, ever happens to me). I doubt I’d have made it past the second quarter without the onslaught of caffeine. In fact, I’m getting drowsy just thinking about this. Let’s get to the Deflated Balls, fast.

Deflated Balls

Third Downs – I’ve already given Third Downs a Deflated Ball this season. If South Carolina had more than one game left in the 2019 season, I’m sure I’d hand it out a couple of dozen more times. That’s because the Gamecock offense handles third down about as well as my stomach handles 12 pots of coffee. The USC offense went a sterling 2-for-15 when facing third down on Saturday night (at one point, they were 0-for-10). I’m not good at math, but I don’t think that’s a recipe for keeping your offense on the field. If only this were an isolated problem. Instead, the SEC Network announcers spent what felt like an entire quarter puzzling over South Carolina’s season-long agonies on third down. Just in case anyone was still confused about it.

Injuries, Ejections and a Playmaker Shortage That Is So Profound I’m Struggling to Envision a Path Out of the Wilderness for This Program in the Near Future – We’ve established that South Carolina is lacking in name-brand athletes whose presence would at the very least make the team mildly compelling to watch. Which is why it was so deflating to see an injured Bryan Edwards standing on the sidelines without pads on, and to watch helplessly as linebacker T.J. Brunson was ejected within minutes of the game’s opening kickoff for targeting. Injuries have been problematic for this team all year – you may recall that starting quarterback Jake Bentley was lost for the year after Game One. Still, we’re not really suggesting that injuries have kept South Carolina from a winning record in 2019, are we? When precisely 100% of SEC teams have struggled with injuries in 2019? Let’s put it this way: Alabama lost its starting quarterback Tua Tagovailoa for the season on Saturday, and he’s their best player and arguably the best player in college football. My guess, though, is that the Tide won’t completely fall off the map with him gone, and will, in fact, be favored in all of their remaining games. For the Gamecocks, if you see Bryan Edwards on the sidelines without pads on, not only can you go ahead and mark the game as a loss, but you can assume USC will struggle to put the football in the end zone even one time (which they did not on Saturday). Which leads me to…

“This Is Will Muschamp’s Deepest, Most Talented Team at South Carolina” – At some point this past summer, I wrote something like this in a weekly newsletter. In my defense, so did just about everyone covering the Gamecocks. Also, I have no idea what I’m talking about and never have, so whatever. But if this is what a “deep” team is supposed to look like under Will Muschamp (or anyone), then I tremble with fear to contemplate what a thin team might resemble. If this edition of the Gamecocks loses two or three specific players to injury or anything else (such as Edwards or Javon Kinlaw), they’re no longer a Southeastern Conference team. And if USC is this thin in Muschamp’s fourth year at the helm, how are we supposed to feel confident about this regime’s ability to develop players and stock SEC-caliber depth in the future? I’m not sure.

Ambien – Why would anyone struggling with insomnia in 2019 still be taking this habit-forming prescription medication when they could simply watch any South Carolina offensive series?

After yet another embarrassment for the Gamecocks, I flipped the channel over to see Oklahoma put the finishing touches on a rollicking comeback over previously undefeated Baylor. Baylor’s loss was devastating. But one thing it absolutely wasn’t was dull. Their fans filed out of the stadium looking utterly despondent, like their souls had been hijacked.

I was almost jealous.

The game mattered. It meant everything to those fans, and losing it left them catatonic and stricken.

Our loss? I’d forgotten it seconds after it ended. Nothing had been at stake.

Nothing ever is.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Tell me how you’re staying awake for the final game by dropping me a note at scottdavis@gamecockcentral.com.