What Just Happened? Vol. 27

Like most governors, Eric Greitens would have preferred not to be indicted. But if he had to pick a time to be taken into custody in the state of Missouri, Thursday afternoon was the best possible choice. When news broke that Michael Porter Jr. was cleared to resume playing basketball, suddenly Greitens’ story was competing for oxygen in the state’s hot-take marketplace.

Like most athletic directors, Jim Sterk would have preferred not to be sued for slander. But if he had to pick … well, you get the idea.

Jon Rothstein of CBS first reported that MPJ got the thumbs-up from his doctor. ESPN’s Jeff Goodman seconded that, although he added that a source said it wasn’t a sure thing that Porter would play this season. Cuonzo Martin is scheduled to address the media at noon Friday.

Although Missouri is still projected as a No. 7 seed in the latest ESPN mock bracket, a two-game skid has raised concerns that the Tigers could still lose their way out of the field, so the timing could not be better — and not just for Greitens and Sterk — if Porter indeed returns this season.

I said all I had to say about Porter’s return in last week’s column. He could solve some of Mizzou’s problems that were evident even before the losses to LSU and Ole Miss.

I am no expert on state politics, but I do believe Greitens still has much to offer Missouri. Specifically, he could help Porter develop the supportive muscles of his lower back by inviting him over and teaching him to do a proper pull-up — scratch that, never mind, bad idea.

As for the Sterk situation, the athletic director had every right to speak out about what he saw and heard after the Missouri women’s basketball team lost at South Carolina on Jan. 28. He said he saw players being spit on and called the N-word. He went a little too far when he publicly blamed the hostile atmosphere on South Carolina coach Dawn Staley. That was a violation of SEC policy, and the league fined him $25,000.

That should have been the end of the episode. It wasn’t.

Staley filed a defamation lawsuit. That was a silly thing to do in pursuit of $75,000 and an official pardon for the accusation of an act that can never be proven true or false. I hesitate to say more, as she appears litigious and I have no attorneys on retainer to fight a libel suit, but it should be noted that Staley, herself, is not immune from making unfounded postgame accusations. SEC coordinator of women’s basketball officials Sally Bell didn’t file a lawsuit when Staley questioned her integrity and/or competence regarding her choice of officials for the game the Gamecocks lost at Missouri on Jan. 7.

“I don’t know if that’s just coincidental,” Staley said of Bell’s choice of officials. “That’s what she said it was. You’ve got to do better. I’m not saying they’re the reason why (South Carolina lost), but you’ve got to do better when you’re coordinating officials and games.”

Because, of course, conference officials are plotting the downfall of their own reigning national champion team with the help of their trusty supply of crooked refs.

The games of this overheated women’s basketball rivalry are over — at least for the regular season — and the SEC commissioner has levied his punishment. Neither Sterk nor Staley have to change their minds about what happened, but it’s time for Staley to move on without a lawsuit ensuring the wound doesn’t heal.

I took a statistics course as a sophomore at the University of Missouri, and what I remember most are the odd names my professor, James Holstein, used as examples on his test questions — names such as Semaj, Mij and Dr. Nietsloh.

It wasn’t until I was studying for the final that it dawned on me he was spelling his own name backward. The timing of my discovery must have been well below the mean — or was it the median, or maybe the mode? — for his students. I gladly took my B and declined further contact with the sciences with the unspoken hope that the scientists would avoid writing, so we could avoid any repeats of that backward name business.

I have stayed in my lane ever since, avoiding advanced analytics, mostly because I didn’t want to learn Microsoft Excel, and partly because I have no room left in my brain for new acronyms. Sure, I could add OPP BLKA — Opponent Blocks Against — but then I might forget what Naughty By Nature was down with.

I’m neither interested nor able to take you deep inside the numbers, but let me aspire, just this once, to at least pseudoscience. The question is: Which Missouri Tiger from any year since 1986-87 — the season college basketball adopted the 3-pointer — would be the best choice to attempt a contested 3-pointer of the sort you need to make if your team is trailing by three points in the final seconds of a very important game to your NCAA Tournament hopes?

Admittedly, this is a very long question for a niche audience.

Judging the best contested shooters in Missouri basketball history requires more than a simple reading of the top 3-point shooting seasons in school history. Eight of the 10 players on that list did their damage when the 3-point distance was 19 feet, 9 inches. It switched to 20-9 before the 2008-09 season.

There’s also the matter of volume. The most selective shooters are apt to shoot a higher percentage than the guys who want — or need — to shoot contested 3s. If someone shoots 200 or more 3-pointers in a season, there’s a good chance his coach thought the team needed him to shoot that many.

Missouri’s career leader in 3-point percentage in a season is Lee Coward, who made 52.7 percent in 1987-88. Coward had a well-earned reputation for clutch shots, particularly against Kansas, but he attempted only 74 that season. Derrick Chievous is No. 2 on the list at 51.5 percent, also in 1987-88. He attempted 33 that season.

To fairly judge who might be best at contested 3-pointers, let’s look at the volume shooters. Those are the guys who keep on gunning whether there’s a hand, armpit or groin in their face. We’re talking about the likes of the uninhibited Clarence Gilbert, who occupies the top two spots on the 3-point attempts chart, including an unconscionable 308 hoists in 2001-02. Clarence was a firm believer in the adage that you don’t make 100 percent of the 3-pointers you don’t attempt. (He also didn’t make 63.4 percent of the ones he did attempt in his career.)

Among the 200-attempt club, here are the shot-takers ranked in the order of the shot-makers:

Kassius Robertson (2017-18): 42.4 percent

Matt Lawrence (2008-09): 40.8 percent

Marcus Denmon (2011-12): 40.7 percent

Kareem Rush (2001-02): 40.5 percent

Thomas Gardner (2005-06): 39.7 percent

Paul O’Liney (1994-95): 39.1 percent

Clarence Gilbert (2001-02): 38.3 percent

Mark Atkins (1992-93): 38.2 percent

Clarence Gilbert (1999-2000): 37.8 percent

Clarence Gilbert (2000-01): 36.8 percent

Mark Atkins (1993-94): 35.5 percent

Matt Lawrence (2007-08): 34.8 percent

Ricky Clemons (2002-03): 34.1 percent

The season isn’t over yet, and all those minutes could eventually sap Robertson of the spring in his legs, but as of now, he’s the best of the volume shooters in school history by a healthy margin. Interestingly, teammate Jordan Barnett is also likely to reach 200 3-point attempts this season — he’s currently at 170 — and at 40.6 percent also ranks among the most accurate volume shooters.

That leads me, at long last, to the point of this pseudoscience. On this Missouri team, you’ve got the guy who might potentially … possibly … probably be the best shooter of contested 3-pointers in school history — he’s well above the mean, median and mode — and another who is in the conversation. So the job for Martin in late-game situations is to make sure the ball is in one of their hands — preferably Robertson’s — to take the shot.

It’s all well and good to draw up a play in which the ball is eventually passed to Robertson, but given Missouri’s track record of successfully throwing passes, I would recommend eliminating the middle man. Whatever number of screens are required to be set for Robertson in order for him to receive a successful inbounds pass, I would recommend setting that number of screens.

Worst-case scenario, Robertson attempts a half-court shot like he did at the end of regulation in Tuesday’s loss to Mississippi. It came closer to going in than any field-goal attempt and most of the free throws in overtime.

If Robertson misses, at least you’ve played the percentages. To do otherwise just seems backward.

In the third game of Robin Pingeton’s career at Missouri, she faced Tennessee. It was Thanksgiving Day 2010 in the Paradise Jam in the Virgin Islands. The Tigers lost 82-44. When you lose by 38 points, it’s hard to appreciate warm tropical breezes, much less green-bean casserole.

Two weeks later, Pingeton’s squad made its home debut, drawing an announced crowd of 1,207 for a victory over Tennessee-Martin. Later that season, Missouri drew 802 fans for a Big 12 game against Nebraska.

Eight years later, everything about the women’s basketball program has been transformed. When Tennessee visited Mizzou Arena on Sunday, a record crowd of 11,092 awaited the Volunteers. That boisterous bunch helped put the Tigers over the top in a 77-73 victory that wasn’t comfortable under Sophie Cunningham scored the last of her 32 points with two free throws in the final second.

I give former athletic director Mike Alden full credit for batting 1.000 on his women’s basketball hires. Granted, it was a small sample size of one, but hiring Pingeton away from Illinois State was a shrewd move that has paid enormous dividends. After two losing seasons and three WNITs in her first five years, this will be her third straight trip to the NCAA Tournament.

Now ranked 11th in the AP and ninth in the coaches’ poll, Missouri is in good shape to host the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament. If that happens, the attendance record set on Sunday might not last long.